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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Why Revolutions Happen

You know who has it rough? I mean really rough? I mean, oh my god you would not believe the trials and tribulations this poor group of put upon, hated, misunderstood people have to endure.

The poor bankers of Wall Street who didn't get their bonuses this year.

I mean, can you imagine the hardship? Like the article said, they had to go to Fairway! In Brooklyn!!

Never mind that Fairway is one of the best grocery stores in New York City and my cheese blogger friend insists on going to visit their cheese counter when she comes to town. There is a principle involved! How can you adjust to bargain basement smoked salmon when you are used to Nova being hand delivered to your door by an authentic fisherman in a wool cap who says "Arrr?" I mean, really!

And they can barely afford to keep their kids in Connecticut private schools! Don't even mention public schools! Some things are too gauche!

I think we need some background music:

Do you wonder why Occupy Wall Street happened? Do you wonder why Republican image guru Frank Luntz instructed his clients not to use the word "capitalism?" Because of clueless dimwits like these, people who honestly think they are suffering earning "only" $350K a year. (The same way that Mitt Romney "only" made $374K from speaking engagements which, according to him, was "not very much.")

This American Life had a story about some of these guys awhile back, Wall Street guys who honestly think Obama is trying to destroy capitalism, despite propping them up with a few trillion dollars. The reporter was genuinely speechless that the young Patrick Batemans didn't think they should say thanks to the taxpayers for bailing them out. Didn't even cross their minds. That was just the cost of doing business with them.

The name of that episode? Crybabies.

It's hard to imagine even Marie Antoinette acting as cavalierly. "Let them eat $5.99/lb lox? That sounds a little out of touch."

It's hard to tell whether the Bloomberg reporter is seriously reporting on this subject or if he has his tongue in cheek. Gawker takes the latter view, saying his beat is to give the rich their lengths of hangman's rope. I sincerely hope so, but New York papers for the well to do have often written about poor rich people.

There was a brief movie trend in the early '90's (okay, there were two movies) where rich assholes were forced to live in poverty for a month and therefore learn that money isn't everything and become better people. Both movies bombed horribly, but they have given me an idea.

How about a reality show, where we take these banksters and make them live like regular middle class earners for a few months? Watch them clip coupons! Take the subway! It'll be gripping!

Then - and here's the fun part for the viewer - we don't give them back their money! Heck, we don't even have to turn on the cameras! Just tell them them they're on a TV show. We can pay a film student to follow them around with empty cameras just for show.

And then we can leave them in their Henry Hill lives - ordering egg noodles with ketchup.

And we'll keep the tip money.

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