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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sparkle!

I got angry again last week. No, it wasn't ice cream.

Now, I am the last person in the world who should complain about crappy merchandising tie-ins to a popular movie.

After all, I own this. And this. And have this on my Amazon wish list (Hint hint!). And I think this is awesome.

Really, if anyone is ever stuck for a gift for me, they would probably just wander into the nearest store and grab the nearest licensed Star Wars product. I think that's how I got this for Christmas last year. (Yoda's cookies are the tastiest!)

And I own Star Wars video games. And I own Star Wars clothing. And I have all the movies on DVD. (But I am not buying the latest re-edits, BluRay or not. Standards, people.)

But still... really Twilight?


Yes, that is a display for Twilight hair care products I encountered while looking at the LCD TVs at Best Buy. Now you too can look like your favorite Twilight star. Sparkle like Edward!  Mope like Bella! Do... whatever it is the other two in that ad do.

(Note: No Jacob. I guess his hair supplies are at Petco. Zing!)

But that's not the worst thing. No, this is. A white, sparkly dildo you can put in the fridge so it feels like an emo vampire is banging you.

Why does this appall me so? I'll buy any crap with the Star Wars logo on it. (Yes, I know. Obvious joke. So sue me.) So why not let the Twi-people have their own crap?

Because some lines you don't cross! Because space shit is cool! Because I'm annoyed that a Mormon housewife effectively neutered what was once dark and scary. Because I have never seen a Star Wars hair care product...

Vintage Princess Leia Beauty Bag. Oh fuck...

At least there's no Star Wars dildo. (God, there is? Really? Really? I forgot there's no shame anymore)

You know, never mind. I'll just be over here with my vintage My Dinner With Andre action figures. 


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