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Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Most Expensive Cup of Ass Juice in The World

"No. I am not going to drink that. That is disgusting."

That is my lovely wife. She is protesting the gift my parents got for me on their recent tax write off vacation very important conference in Bali:

That is Kopi Luwak, allegedly, the most expensive coffee (per pound) in the world. Why is it so expensive? Why does my lovely wife object to drinking it as vociferously as if I was suggesting we convert to Scientology and send all our money to Tom Cruise?

Go ahead and google "the most expensive coffee in the world." I'll wait...

Please enjoy this video while we wait...

Back? So, as you can see, Kopi Luwak attains its flavor by being eaten, partially digested, and then "processed" (i.e. pooped out) by the Palm Civet of Bali and Indonesia. The beans are then washed and roasted and ground up and sold to tourists as a kind of practical joke.

Seriously, this must have been a joke when it was first invented. Some of the farmhands decided to get revenge on their boss by scooping up the civet poop and making coffee out of the half eaten beans. Still, the joke was on them when the boss man loved it and started selling it for $40 a cup.

But Anthony Bourdain seems to like it, so what say we give it a shot?

MY LOVELY WIFE: No. Not in our house.

ME: Why not?

MLW: I do not want to drink poop!

ME: But they wash all the poop off.

MLW: That is not a compelling argument! Besides, we already have a cat! Why don't we just get some poop out of the cat box and throw that in the coffee press?

ME: I don't think you're getting into the spirit of adventure that this requires.

MLW: Do you expect me to kiss you after you drink that?

ME: The poop is all cleaned off!

MLW: Are you sure? REALLY sure?

ME: Um, yes.... I think so...

Needless to say, she remained unpersuaded. So, in the interests of marital harmony, I decided to brew up a pot at work. After emailing my office and warning/hyping of the pot of civet coffee, I only got two volunteers. (Including one who hadn't drunk any coffee in years.)

Still, game on!

Opening the box revealed a vacuum sealed pouch with about 2 ounces of coffee. The coffee was very earthy and thick, kind of like mud.

(MY LOVELY WIFE: Yeah, because it was POOP! IT WAS POOP!)

This coffee smells all nice and flowery...

Um, anyway, it was very aromatic with an almost chocolate smell. (MLW: POOP!) The taste was a little bitter, meaning it had a high caffeine content. (And you could really feel it after a cup! Shaky!) But after a few sips, it had the taste of a very distinctive dark roast, with notes of fruit. My two coworkers agreed that it had a very unique taste, and one really got into it.

Overall, it was good, but it doesn't compare to my favorite non-digested coffees, like the 100% Kona from Hawaii. Much smoother and richer. (MLW: Yeah, because it's NOT POOP!) And there's still the thought in the back of your head... "They fished this out of mongoose poop."

Still, worth the experience! It's not every day you get jittery by drinking something that a tree cat 6000 miles away passed through its buttocks.

And that's probably for the best.

(Update: My wife has advised me against posting this because "Everyone will know you drink poop! Worse, they'll think I drink poop!" So, I add this disclaimer that even if a shirtless Hugh Jackman approached her with a cup of Kopi Luwat she would refuse. My wife does not drink poop.)

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