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Friday, July 8, 2011

Chase Bank

A short play:

ME: Hello, I am having a problem depositing a check using your mobile phone app.
CHASE "CUSTOMER SUPPORT": What seems to be the problem?
ME: Well, I'm following the instructions on the screen, but I get an error message that says "This account is not authorized for Quick Deposit."
C"CS": Yes. That is because the account is overdrawn.
ME: I know it's overdrawn. That's why I am trying to deposit money into it.
C"CS": Well, if the account is overdrawn you can't deposit money into it with the mobile app.
ME: .... What? How does that make sense? The only reason I am overdrawn is because your app isn't working and I haven't been able to deposit this check for three days.
C"CS": That's our policy.
ME: So how do I deposit a check?
C"CS": You'll have to deposit it in person at a branch.
ME: I got this app specifically to deposit checks. I am currently working 90 miles away from a Chase branch.
C"CS": Yes, I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
ME: A 180 mile round trip drive is not a minor inconvenience!
C"CS": Well, you could always mail it to us.
ME: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

Scene

After another ten minutes of arguing, a supervisor was summoned. After another 10 minutes of arguing with her, it was determined that I could in fact deposit the check to my savings account with the mobile app and if the error message continued I should try uninstalling and reinstalling the app as that had been a glitch in the iPhone version.  All told, a half hour was spent on the phone with "customer support" to find out something that should have taken 2 minutes. "Oh, the deposit feature on the app isn't working? That's been a problem on the iPhone, so try deleting and reinstalling it."


It would be inaccurate to say that Chase has stopped trying. They have never started trying.

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