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Monday, June 6, 2011

Stupid Hammer Jokes

A short play in three acts.

ACT I
At the afternoon matinee of Thor at the Cross County Multiplex


ME: Get ready for a whole lot of hammer jokes!
MY LOVELY WIFE: Oh god, is it too late to go see Pirates of the Caribbean instead? I don't know what I was thinking, Thor and his big hammer. And you and your-
ME: (Under my breath) The Hammer is my Penis. (Checking movie schedule) Yep! Pirates already started!
MLW: Urg. You know if that last Pirate movie had made just a little more sense-


ACT II
Two hours later.


MLW: That was fun. And you didn't take out your hammer , which considering
there were only three of us in the theater was showing a lot of restraint.
ME: He sure knew how to handle his hammer!
MLW: Stop it.
ME: Are you worthy enough to handle the hammer of Thor?
MLW: I'm going to hit you. It won't do any good- you like the rough stuff.
But by the power of greyskull , I'm going to hit you, wait wrong movie.
ME: It is the source of my power.
ME: Really. Stop. Now.

ACT III
Later that evening.


ME: Are you ready for Hammertime?
MLW: Oh, Please, Hammer don't hurt him-I swear on the Mighty All Father, if you make one more hammer joke...
ME: My hammer will grant you the power of Thor...
(Sound of punching)
ME: Ow!
MLW: The next time I use a real hammer.
Me: The hammer is my penis , remember?

I blame Joss Whedon.

It's still funny, even after a thousand times.

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